Jessy, that’s her name. A strong woman. A woman with big dreams. Jessy was a young, eager, driven woman. Nothing was too much for her. She dreamed of becoming a movie star each night. When she closed her eyes she’d imagine her sitting in a theater full of people. When the screen turned on the crowd started cheering when they saw her face on the big screen. A feeling of warmth. Of happiness. Came over her.
Jessy sacrificed much for this cause. Her friends were done with her. Left her. For good reason. Only Jessy didn’t see this reason. Jessy had one goal, one path, one purpose. To become a movie star. Nothing less would suffice for her.
More and more Jessy felt that Something was wrong as she got up in the morning. She was doing what she loved. She was pursuing a goal, yet, or rather still, she didn’t feel joyful. She felt more depleted after a night of sleep than energized. She felt less alive than the day before, and getting up wasn’t as exciting anymore as it used to be.
She remembered the days as a kid, in which she jumped out of bed each morning. Excited for the new day. That has changed. Now she’d rather stay in bed. The only thing getting her out was her feeling of being a failure. It scared her, so she got up each morning to not let that happen.
She Was Done
The friends she used to have all went on in their lives. They made new friends. She scrolled on her social media and saw their happy lives. She despised them. How could they have abandoned her like that? She closed social media and focused on her work again.
She couldn’t focus. Deep inside a feeling arose. She knew. She knew something was wrong. Something deep within her was telling her that she was making the wrong decision. She just didn’t understand why. She was doing what she had dreamed of as a kid. She was making her dream come true. That required sacrifice didn’t it?
Jessy was feeling more and more depleted. She felt stuck. Afraid. Alone. Unsure. All the people she looked up to had the success stories she admired. They all woke up early and sacrificed their young years to be that successful. Now she did it too and what did she get for it in return? Lost friends, feeling tired, demotivated, stuck, helpless, alone.
She threw her phone across the room. “I AM DONE WITH IT!” She yelled out. Nobody heard it but her. She sank into a moment of silence. A moment she had feared so much. All her fears came up one by one. Her fear of failure. Her fear of not being good enough. Her fear of dying before she’d accomplished everything she wanted in her life.
Her body started to shiver. Her eyes franticly moved around but couldn’t seem to focus on anything. Softly she closed her eyes and darkness came over her. She let it overwhelm her. Like a big wave. All that she had resisted. All that she had controlled or tried to push away. She didn’t have the energy for it anymore. She was done.
What Will Your Choice Be?
She sat on her couch for a moment. Completely embraced by her fears and pain. It was okay. It was okay to feel this. She knew that.
Something happened. Something she didn’t expect. Her silence, her lack of control, her peace with what is, it felt different than she’d expected. It felt comforting. It wasn’t scary at all. The fear she had, the anxiety, the stress, the pressure all flowered before her closed eyes.
Her feelings, they grew and grew and grew, and then… they were gone. Her fear got bigger and bigger. It made her whole body shiver and then… there was silence. Peace. She softly chuckled and began to cry.
“How could I have been this stupid..” She thought to herself. “No not stupid, that’s not it. I was unknowing of this miracle within me. Of this blossoming of my fears and pain into these beautiful moments of silence and transformation. How could I have been this lost.” She wiped away a tear rolling down her cheek.
All she had done the past year was pursue her goals. She followed the path of success, at least the path that lead to success for her idols. She never even thought about following her own path, wherever that would lead her. The mornings she woke up miserable, afraid of failure, they all flashed before her eyes. She saw the insanity that she’d created for herself.
The idea that success is what we should pursue, and that sacrifice is how we get it broke. More tears rolled down her cheek when she thought of her friends. The friends that she’d lost. She was sorry. She asked herself a question: What’s more important, to wake up in the morning feeling miserable but successful, or waking up each morning with a smile without that success?
A soft smile appeared on her face. She knew the answer. And so do you. An abundant and wealthy life isn’t dependent on the things you own and the things you achieve. It is on the joy you experience. The love you carry out, and the peace you have within. Those are the parts of the abundant life each one of us already lives.
You are only in your own way. Like Jessy and I were in our own way. Do what you love, have goals for the fun of them, not for the goal of achieving them. Ambition has no place in a rich and fulfilled life. So what is your decision, waking up miserable with fame and wealth, or joyous without fame and wealth? Which kind of success do you choose?