Have we lost it? Have we lost how beautiful we are?
The other day I was writing and a gulf of self-doubt came over me. I was overwhelmed and was taken by it. The waves of self-doubt took me further into the sea and I started to doubt all sorts of things.
Like my writing, how I would make money, if I was any good at my craft, if my work was of any meaning, but also if anybody liked me, if I was social enough, and all the rest of it.
When the first thought of doubt arose in my mind and I wasn’t aware of it, it took me along and showed me all the self-doubt that I had within me, stored, locked away, pushed away.
I took the time to see it, and allow myself to be taken by the wave. I could have fought the wave, trying to get back to the safe and comfortable shore, but I knew what a waste of energy that would be. After all, doesn’t a wave always come back to shore? Can’t we just gently ride the wave of self-doubt following it back to the shore of peace and acceptance, not fighting it so hard?
Are You Following Your Own Perfect Self, Or That Of Someone Else?
To do that, we must see and understand the entire picture of self-doubt. See it for what it is. Cause most of the time, we run from it, saying that it is bad, and we shouldn’t doubt ourselves. Yet have you ever just taken the time to understand self-doubt, and see it for what it is?
I doubt you have, cause otherwise, you’d think differently about self-doubt.
So what is self-doubt? Self-doubt means that you doubt if you are any good, that you doubt if the way you are in this very moment is good enough. You are questioning yourself. That questioning happens because you have come to the belief that there is something about you that’s not good enough, that should be changed or improved.
But now have you ever thought about what would be good enough? What would it mean to be good enough? Or perfect? What would you be like if you’d feel completely at ease, confident, and loved?
It’s highly likely that your answer isn’t based on your ideas. I think 99% of them are ideas, concepts, beliefs, from someone else that you follow. The idea of your perfect self, your idealized version is nothing but a concept that was created by you.
That concept was entirely constructed from different sources. Sources of ideas, practices, methods, beliefs that you read about, saw or learned about from others. You have probably surfed on the internet seeing all kinds of practices from famous people, thinking that this will make you successful, happy, loving, spiritual and all the rest of it. And so you start practicing the same thing as these people with the goal of becoming a better version of yourself in mind.
But ask yourself this, is this the perfect idea of who you are? Or is it the perfect idea of another human being? I am afraid that you are doing the second, cause if you’d be following the perfect version of who you are there wouldn’t be any conflict. Cause the perfect version of who you are is never something to be achieved, is it?
A Foggy Mirror
If you’d follow yourself. If you’d be you, fully, there wouldn’t be any conflict, therefor there wouldn’t be any self-doubt. You’d be happy the way you were and would happily be growing, accepting your mistakes, moving on, and never creating an inner conflict.
What happens all the time is that we see other successful people, people we look up to, and we want to be like them.
Yet what happens all the time is that we see other successful people, people we look up to, and we want to be like them. For example, look at the entire morning routine hype that’s going on. Instead of asking ourselves what do, we think will help us in the morning? We turn towards experts, or famous people, seeing that their lives are what we desire to live as well.
So we start to get up at 5 a.m. Work out, journal, meditate, and all the other habits that successful people do. Completely disregarding our own natural intellect and needs. Because of this, we begin to compare.
It is this comparison between what we are in this very moment, and the perfect idea of ourselves, that creates self-doubt. Cause we cannot live up to that image all at once, and we will fail, we will have slip-ups, and even that ideal version we have in our minds is never perfect.
There’s no one on this entire planet that will consistently get up at 5 a.m. all year long, let alone their entire life. And this is just an example. The perfect ideas we have for our lives are causing a lot of friction and comparison. And because we compare we realize that we aren’t what we want to be. This breeds self-doubt. It is the realization that one isn’t what one could be, or wants to be. Therefore must do something in order to change himself.
Self-doubt is the realization that one isn’t what one could be, or wants to be. Therefore must do something in order to change himself.
But doesn’t this sound insane? That we as we are, aren’t good enough?
Take of Your Mask
This idea is insane, and we know it, yet we mask it, we hide it, we layer it with many things we acquire. And I am not talking about physical things, like electronics, clothing, or substances. I am talking about practices, methods, ideas, beliefs, these are all props and gems we acquire in order to live up to the best version of ourselves. Which is nothing but a showoff to the world.
Because if you’d be completely fine the way you are, you’d not need any of these practices. You’d listen to yourself and follow your own guidance, wouldn’t you?
All these props and gems in the form of practices make us look good to the outside world, but inside, we are alone, hurt, never good enough. Cause inside we cannot compare ourselves to others or with any idea, we are exactly what we are inside and there is no way to mask that.
Inside we cannot compare ourselves to others or with any idea, we are exactly what we are inside and there is no way to mask that.
Because there is no way to mask the truth of who we are inside we start to run from it. Continuing with the outside mask we have created for ourselves. Disregarding our own needs. And so we lead ourselves towards depression, anxiety, burnout, and all the rest of it.
You are playing a role, a character if you are always striving to be the perfect version of who you are. You are never being who you really are. Which doesn’t involve any become, it doesn’t involve striving or changing. You are still hurting yourself when you want to become the best version of yourself.
You still don’t love yourself, you are still doubting, and violating who you are. You do not yet believe that transformation happens naturally and that the idea of perfection can only exist in this very moment. You live in the future, in the ideal version of yourself, never in the beauty of the actuality of life.
You live in the future, in the ideal version of yourself, never in the beauty of the actuality of life.
So if you find yourself in this spot, and want to free yourself of self-doubt, let me assist you.
Are You Moving The Stone or Not?
So, how do we free ourselves from self-doubt? How do we set ourselves free?
To free ourselves of self-doubt we must first become passionate about it, and with that, I mean that we see the urgency, and willingness to bring about a complete transformation. If this is not there we are only doing what we can with half of our energy. Not with complete attention.
A complete transformation means that the entire concept of what you should be dissolves, and with it, the entire need to compare or improve is set free. That complete transformation can only come about if you are very passionately observing yourself as you are.
You observe yourself with your complete attention. All your senses, and most importantly without any urge to change anything, overcome anything, or set yourself free from anything. All of this would yet again mean that as you are, you are not good enough, and because you aren’t good enough, you start to doubt yourself again.
All of this would yet again mean that as you are, you are not good enough, and because you aren’t good enough, you start to doubt yourself again.
Look at the complete picture. Look at everything you are. This means that there is doubt, that there is also confidence, but most importantly that you as you are is all there is. This brings a tremendous feeling of clarity.
If you’d see the entire picture and think about continuing with what you are doing for the rest of your life. Meaning changing everything you worry about, everything you are doubtful about wouldn’t, your life be really exhausting, and wouldn’t you, therefore, have little energy left to enjoy life?
If that isn’t the case and you believe that one day you’ll be free of self-doubt, why isn’t that day here yet? Why aren’t you free of doubt right now? What is it you’d have to do in order to set yourself free from it? And what if you did? What if you’d manage to do that thing, would you be free? For the rest of your life? Or would the next doubt come up again in some time?
If that isn’t the case and you believe that one day you’ll be free of self-doubt, why isn’t that day here yet?
Cause you see the very act of trying to overcome your self-doubt is nothing but wasted energy. We cannot try anything.
You cannot try to lift a stone. You either lift the stone, or you don’t. It might just be an inch of the ground, yet you still lifted the stone. There is no trying to overcome self-doubt, no future you that is free of self-doubt. This would only mean that you aren’t freeing yourself of self-doubt.
In other words, the stone remains on the ground, you aren’t moving it a single bit.
Are You 100% Observing What Is?
You see self-doubt once we observe it will not be bad, it won’t be the devil that’s constantly making you feel bad, it’s just a thought, an idea of yourself that has come about through comparison, and idealizing. And we believe that only when we free ourselves of self-doubt, that we are worthy, and will enjoy life.
Now, this again is self-doubt, which is reinforcing the doubt, not freeing yourself from it.
It means you are not fully observing doubt, not observing it free of thoughts, labels, or judgments, cause if you’d fully observe with all of your attention the doubt you have within yourself, wouldn’t be there. Cause if you wouldn’t be able to label what you are experiencing, you wouldn’t be able to call it doubt, would you?
Whatever you are thinking or feeling is what’s happening right now. It doesn’t need to be changed, nor does it mean that you are not perfect. Your self-doubt is just something happening an action within the mind. It is only because you call it self-doubt that it becomes painful and therefore you want to get rid of it.
Whatever you are thinking or feeling is what’s happening right now. It doesn’t need to be changed, nor does it mean that you are not perfect.
But if you can entirely let go of the concept of self-doubt, and the ideal version of yourself you’ll see that you set yourself free. It will stop the comparison between the version of yourself without self-doubt, and with self-doubt, you’ll see that the entire idea of doubt will vanish.
You are always in constant rotation between emotions and doubt is one of them. But doubt cannot come about when we stop comparing when we see whatever is, instead of trying to change it into whatever we want it to be. Therefore you set yourself free of self-doubt.
It is the realization that you as you are don’t need to do or be anything to be perfect. You don’t need to stop comparing, neither do you need to stop doubting yourself. Just observe and love what you are in this very moment. So if that is self-doubt see it for what it is and love it.
After all, isn’t it part of you? Isn’t it therefore worthy to be loved?
I see that only, observance, will free you of self-doubt cause with observance you let go of all ideas over what doubt and self-doubt is, and you see yourself completely, in a new light. You see yourself as you are, and that is perfection.
After all, what makes you believe that you are not yet perfect? What makes you believe that you are not yet in a place called heaven on earth and that all you are doing is making a mess out of heaven when you try to change it? It is only thought that can do this.
So there is no need to find out why you doubt yourself, nor a reason to find out how to overcome it. Just observe silently and you will realize that it is empty and cannot be forced or changed. It is through this that you liberate yourself of the fight within you.
Life is you, and therefore everything that is happening is just what should happen. Only observe and you will have set yourself free. Life will unfold before you, and the simplest of experiences will become magnificent. Because you’ll realize that Today You Live! There is beauty in all of it.