I Am Scared Off Loneliness

Date

Day 10 of Feeling Alive

I’m scared to be lonely. Like really. I am scared to feel that feeling of loneliness. Which doesn’t mean that I am scared to be alone, or to face my thoughts. Those are completely different. Loneliness can come from that, but loneliness is a feeling that’s deeper than being by yourself or facing your thoughts in silence.

I am scared of feeling lonely. It’s not that I fear not having friends or family around. It’s a deeper fear of being lonely. Which is to be lonely in silence. To follow no one, to let go of who I am, and live in the present moment.

The blank screen I am facing as a writer every day reminds me of this over and over again. At first, the page is blank. That’s the scariest part. Because that empty page always resembles the emptiness I face when loneliness comes up. It’s mostly the fact that I have to listen to myself, have to follow myself, and learn about myself through these pieces of writing.

That feeling of loneliness and being with the emptiness results in things like overeating, smoking, drinking, gaming, spending a lot of time with people, and all the rest of the destructive things a human can do in order to not feel what it is feeling.

When I write there is no guideline to follow, no one’s advice to ask for. It’s just me, the words, and the story. And writing is just something to show me this fear of following myself, and both being a leader as well as a disciple, or follower of myself.

That feeling of loneliness and being with the emptiness results in things like overeating, smoking, drinking, gaming, spending a lot of time with people, and all the rest of the destructive things a human can do in order to not feel what it is feeling.

And it’s time that ends. Cause loneliness is for most of us at the root of a lot of our impulsive and destructive behavior. It’s time we both face our fear of loneliness, and therefore resolve it for once and for all.

This is Loneliness

To get a clear understanding of loneliness let me explain what it feels like, and what it is. You see loneliness is often seen as being alone, having no friends, no people to talk to, or being afraid to be by yourself. This is the physical form of loneliness, which is being alone.

That’s being alone. Which is an experience, but not a feeling. What comes from this is often loneliness. Which is an emotion, a feeling. A lot of people face loneliness when they are all by themselves, have no friends, or no family to talk to, or have to be all alone listening to their thoughts.

It’s something that happens a lot when we are depressed, cause in this stage we are letting go of the role we were playing. We are in a stage of letting go of every belief we had. All that we were, and that comes with loneliness cause we feel that there is no one to help us with what we are feeling.

There is a deep cause for this. When we are alone, both away from people, or alone with our thoughts, something inside us happens. We can no longer hold onto or follow the advice, guidance, or presence of another human being. This means we become the leader, we have to listen to ourselves, face ourselves.

When we are alone, both away from people, or alone with our thoughts, something inside us happens. We can no longer hold onto or follow the advice, guidance, or presence of another human being.

Now, this is what loneliness is, this is the root of loneliness. It’s the fact that there is no one around to follow, listen to, or guide us. That creates a tremendous feeling of emptiness, cause what do we do now? What do we do when there is no one to talk to, to give us guidance or advice. What do we do when we are alone in this?

We feel lonely.

We do not just face the fact that we are alone in the physical form, but also that we are alone in the totality of life inwardly and outwardly. This sounds like a grim thought because we are social creatures. Yet facing that loneliness can be an extraordinary experience, and might even liberate you.

Become the Leader & Disciple

You see when we experience loneliness it often means that we have no one to help us out. There is no guide, no teacher, no helping hand. We are in it alone, which is the truth. In most of life, we are alone in this, after all, we are the ones who call the shots and live our lives. No one can do this for us.

It comes down to this: we are our leaders, we carve our paths, listen to ourselves, and constantly learn about ourselves.

This is what we are most scared of. Just think about it. We most of the time follow another’s path, meaning we follow what others say is best for us. We go to college, then get a job, and maybe never give it a second guess. Or we blindly follow a leader, some heroic figure that is at the head of a group or country. We don’t listen to ourselves, we numb this away, often too scared to listen to our thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

It comes down to this: we are our leaders, we carve our paths, listen to ourselves, and constantly learn about ourselves.

And we are even afraid of constant learning about ourselves because this means that in every moment we let go of a part of us. We are in constant change, we hold on to nothing.

All of these things are scary, and that’s okay. I am scared too, I am scared of the fact that I have to listen to myself, constantly learn about myself, and carve my path.

I am used to following the guidance of others. Whether that be the guidance of my parents, friends, or famous figures and leaders, like Mark Manson, J. Krishnamurti, Alan Watts, and so many more.

All these people have one thing in common, they try to help you. Which is an amazing thing, but one day we will realize that only we can liberate ourselves and walk the walk of enlightenment.

When that moment comes we face loneliness. Cause we know that we are the only ones who know what’s right, what to do, and how to act accordingly. And this means we become both our leader, as well as our closest disciple.

One day we will realize that only we can liberate ourselves and walk the walk of enlightenment.

We lead ourselves in every moment, but with no real end goal. At the very same time, we constantly learn about ourselves and our relationship with the world. We become a disciple of ourselves, by learning and adjusting accordingly to the present moment.

And this is what scares us most, I think. Cause there is no one to turn to, no one to help us as fully as we can do ourselves. No teacher to give us advice or show us the way. There is no way but our own way, and that own way is based on just the present moment.

It’s not based on who you think you are, which are only conditions of the past. Nor is it based on who you want to be, which is based on the future. The only way is right here, right now. Which forces us to confront our loneliness. Which means we have to be completely present.

Dealing with the present moment accordingly, totally aware of it. The present moment is the only moment where we can both be our leaders, as well as the disciple. Cause if we are present we automatically lead ourselves through the present moment because there is no one to ask for help cause that help is based on their knowledge of life, and that knowledge is from their past, not the present. This is why you can’t turn to someone for advice.

Dealing with our loneliness is here and now, and because of that there is no one to help us. So all I can tell you is that you are both the disciple of yourself constantly observing and learning from the present moment, as well as the leader who is constantly making decisions and taking actions in this present moment.

Vast Emptiness

This is what I mean by being lonely. To be a leader and a disciple for myself. To both carve my path, and lead on that path, as well as constantly learn about myself and adjust that path. That is scary to do. It’s lonely to do this. A different lonely than actually being alone, or observing my thoughts.

This way I still have something to follow. I either follow my thoughts, or I start doing something by myself. Both of which aren’t truly lonely. In both cases, there is something to turn my attention towards, instead of dwelling in nothingness. This is what happens when I face the empty screen and emptiness of the present moment.

But that vast emptiness has something beautiful I discovered. It has vast space, and because there is so much space, there is a total feeling of freedom.

But that vast emptiness has something beautiful I discovered. It has vast space, and because there is so much space, there is a total feeling of freedom. You see, I am facing my loneliness in every present moment, not running away from it. I also face all else that life offers right here, right now.

This is a lonely journey cause I do it all alone, and can only listen to myself. Through that, I let go of the fear of emptiness and loneliness. It dissolved, and I was left with nothing. Vast space, and emptiness. Only it wasn’t scary anymore. It just was.

Through that emptiness, a tremendous sense of being alive came about. I was working and saw the crates filled with groceries. I saw them. I saw the vibrant colors the different packaging, and all the different smells and textures. Yet I gave none of it a name. I just witnessed it.

Through that emptiness, a tremendous sense of being alive came about.

That showed me the real beauty of living. The emptiness of living. To be free to experience whatever it is, that is happening right now. And so I am my leader and disciple. Constantly aware of my conditioning and responses, as well as leading myself in every present moment. Through taking actions, and making decisions according to what is, not to what was, or what will be.

Just ever-present. Living today. Here and now. Making the most of it.

Rise With The Sun is a weekly memoir to life. Each Sunday I send out a newsletter that radiates growth and optimism in the life we are living. Each newsletter contains three thoughts that highlight the positive change and growth in ourselves, society, and the world. So you can start your week energized and alive!


To balance out the energetic start of the sun I slow down and recap the week on Friday with Set With The Moon. Shining my light on all the articles, podcasts, and changes of the past week. I might even throw in some free enhancements, like ebooks and such. So you can go into your weekend relaxed, and accomplished.

More
articles

Free Ebook

Allow Yourself to Smile Through Life

Download this free ebook, with a three-step guide on dealing with your emotions. So that you can feel more alive and go through life with a smile on your face!

Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy it

Download it right away, by clicking the link below or wait till you receive an email. Be sure to check your spam inbox if you’ve not received an email.