I Feared Giving to Much…


Why Trust Allows You to Give Without Draining Yourself

I fear draining myself. To lose myself to someone. To spend too much money, or to give too much away for free. I feared giving too much of myself. It’s a thought that makes me think I will run out. Run out of energy, of love, of money, of time, of myself…

A deep fear that if I give too much and do not receive anything in return that I will lose myself. That I will break down. I fear that by giving too much away for free I will never make money and become broke. I fear giving away too much of my authentic, vulnerable self and be broken down by others for it. It’s the fear that I will somehow run out of something, that makes me feel scarce and greedy. And I feel that this is something shared too little.

To share this side of us humans. Deep down we all want to be abundant, we all want to give, but there is also a big fear of running out. Of draining ourselves in the process of giving. That fear, I feel like, should be talked about and expressed. Purely and vulnerably. Maybe this is my antidote to feeling scarce and scared that I will be broken down for giving too much of my authentic self.

Because that is why I share this with you. I am scared that if I truly express my heart, which is vulnerable, confronting, and pure, I will be criticized for it. Maybe even hated for it. It’s a fear of giving my everything but not trusting that this will be rewarded. That lack of trust is what’s in the way of feeling abundant. Feeling like we have enough. Always. In fact, it isn’t ‘love’ that is the antidote to fear. It’s something else, that is more subtle. A forgotten form of love.

Part One: The Antidote to the Fear of Scarcity

I often fear that I give too much, or run out. It could be money or love for another person, or being open and vulnerable to someone I don’t fully know yet. My experience with money has always been based on scarcity. Always based on some sort of fear. What I mean by that, is that I feared never having the money again. That, if I bought a new pair of jeans, or a new piece of tech, that I should justify it to myself. I can’t just buy something because I want to, if I do that I will run out of money. So I need to always justify my purchases to myself, if I buy a pair of new jeans it’s only because I really need a new pair. If I buy a new piece of gear it is only because I know it will pay off in the quality of my creation. I never buy something because I want to. I always justify my purchases.

Which to me proves a lack of trust, a lack of trust in abundance. It’s the fear of running out, that if I buy a new pair of jeans that money will never come back to me anymore. In some way even that the purchase would be a waste of money. And money isn’t the only place in which I fear scarcity. It’s in giving too much away for free as well. Or giving away too much of myself by being too open and vulnerable. That fear of giving too much isn’t just based on the belief that I will, at some point, run out. It’s also that I don’t see myself as worthy. Justifying my purchases proves to me that I am worthy to buy them. If I don’t justify them I don’t trust myself of being worthy to make such a decision. It shows me that I fear making such a purchase because I think I will never make back that money.

The same goes for not being open and vulnerable all the time. I fear opening up too much and getting hurt by others. Making me feel that I am not worthy of their love. After all, I gave my everything to them, and they made fun of it and hurt me for that. This makes me feel unworthy as if I am not complete, not abundant and full. And I can’t be alone in that. We all feel unworthy at times. We all feel that we are lacking, or fear giving too much. But why?

It’s because we lack trust. Trust in ourselves, or the higher power we believe in. It’s the lack of trust in ourselves that creates the fear that we are not enough. We lack trust in ourselves for being strong enough to endure the people who hurt us when we are open and vulnerable. And the same goes for the lack of trust that when we spend money we will receive it back in some other way. It’s the lacking of trust that we will receive back what we have given, that makes us feel scared. And this trust is the antidote to my fear of scarcity.

Being scared of losing, or giving too much is a sign that we lack the trust that we will never run out. You and I might fear spending too much money and running out, living in poverty one day. That idea is created by a lack of trust in ourselves and the Universe or God. If we would trust ourselves we know that spending money now doesn’t have to mean we will run out in the future. We can work a 9 to 5 job at a Mac Donalds or in some Cafe if we need the money. If we can trust ourselves we know that we will always have the ability to earn and receive new money.

Not just money but anything. If we give love to our boyfriend or girlfriend and they break up with us, it’s not a waste of love. It’s not a waste of energy. It might feel that you have lost everything you gave, and that creates a thought of scarcity. Of not having enough love left for yourself. But again if we trust ourselves, and God we trust that this is the right thing to happen for us. We can trust ourselves for loving ourselves. When in a relationship, or without one. We never have to lack love, we can feel loved at all times. If we only trusted ourselves for giving and receive love at all times.

It’s trust that is the antidote to scarcity

It’s trust that is the antidote to scarcity. It’s trusting that money will never run out, that we can always find a job, that we can always work for more money. It’s trusting that we will never run out of love when we give it, that allows us to give more. We will never run out of love because our partner or spouse decides to break up with us. We will never run out of love for ourselves if others decide to take us for granted. It is when I trusted that I am always loved, always full, always abundant, that I realized that no matter what happened on the outside I will be fine. I will manage. I will find new ways to deal with problems. I will find solutions. I will always be able to work for money if I need to. I will always be able to find new love or heal from the pain that was caused by others hurting me when I was open and vulnerable.

Trust allows us to see that our cup will never run out of water.

Part Two: Your Cup Will Not Run Out

One of the examples I’ve come across many times is that we should first fill our own cup before filling another’s cup. And I believed this was true, but it isn’t. Yes, it’s important to take care of yourself, but we don’t need to fill our cup. If we believe we have, we will believe that in essence, we aren’t enough. That, if we don’t love ourselves we are never loved. That, if we don’t love ourselves there is no one to do it. This is not true. There are always people to love us, not just that, there is always a larger entity to love us. Whether that be the Universe or a God. There’s always something that loves us.

We don’t need to fill our own cup ourselves. Trusting this allows us to see that our cup will never run out. That there is an infinite amount of water to give others. By giving that water away we will even fill the cup up more. If only we realize that giving freely is an act of kindness. That when we give we are enough, that we are beautiful and strong. It’s this self-recognition, this self-love that allows us to always be filled with love.

It’s giving what you lack that fills you up.

I have found that even though I love someone, without them loving me back I can feel full and loved. Why? Because I know that if I love them I am giving what I need most. I am selfless, I act out of kindness, and abundance, and knowing that fills me up. It’s giving what you lack to others that fills you up. It’s giving the love you want to receive to others that makes you feel it too. It’s helping others with feeling loved that makes you love yourself as well. It’s giving to others we need more of. It’s not giving to ourselves that we need. It’s selflessness and acting out of kindness to others that makes us feel full and loved.

We give the love that makes us full. Why? Remember when you were loved by your parents? Remember that feeling of joy, of love, of warmth within you? You felt that because your parents GAVE you love. It’s because you played joyfully that you made them smile, it’s because you were you, unapologetically you, that they smiled and loved you. They gave you love, without expecting anything in return. That’s what good parents do. It’s what God did for us. It’s what Buddha did for us. It’s what Allah did for us. It’s what Jesus did for us. It’s what Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and Nelson Mandela did for us. And it is what we need most in this world.

To give love, to give love unapologetically. It’s giving love without expectations that fills our cup and never lets it run out. Take care of yourself, love others, give them what you are lacking, and you will feel full.

Part Three: The Purity of Giving Without Receiving

It’s this that I learned from my fear of giving too much. It’s the fear of running out that showed me I will never run out. That I can give, purely and not expect anything in return. It’s giving that is enough, it’s giving that will make us feel fulfilled.

It’s, not giving love to anyone and everything that created every problem there is in this world. It’s being specific to whom you give love, that created problems. It’s not loving your kid enough that makes him or her feel traumatized or unloved. It’s not loving the planet enough love that has made it crumble and break down. It’s not loving each other enough that has created wars and nuclear weapons. It is not giving love freely that has created every problem we are facing on this earth right now.

And the antidote is not to just love yourself. It’s to love others. It’s to love others without a reason. It’s loving yourself without a reason. It’s trusting that we need nothing in return. It’s trusting that we have all we need. We need no love to give love. We need no money to feel wealthy. All we need is to feel and to give purely. It’s giving without expecting anything in return that has given me the trust that everything we give comes back to me.

It’s giving love to your loved ones that make them love you and therefore makes love return to you. It’s giving love to your spouse, or partner without expecting them to return it that will eventually return it to you. They might not give it to you, but someone else will. Never hold in your love. Never hold in what you want to give purely because you fear running out. Trust the world, trust God, trust the Universe, trust yourself that you will never run out of what you give away. It will always find its way back to you in multitude.

Give without expecting anything in return. Give without fearing that you will run out. Give and trust yourself. Give without the fear that you will be drained. Give unapologetically, give yourself fully to the world and others. It’s that purity of giving that has opened my heart and showed me all the abundance of my life. It’s that giving that has opened me up to feel alive, and say Today I Lived. I gave my everything and received more so I can make the most of every minute.

Now before closing off take a moment to breathe. To relax your muscles and to feel abundant. To feel full and loved. You know what it feels like. Imagine yourself giving to others lovingly and kindly. Imagine yourself receiving everything you want. See it, visualize it, smile, and take a moment to appreciate all you have around you. Whether you are outside, whether you are in your room, on the bus, or anywhere else. Appreciate the abundance of the world that is around you. And take one final deep breath. You are enough, you are full and loved. Give yourself fully to the world. It needs you full and fulfilled.

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