I Thought Life was Hard, but Luckily I was Wrong

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Day 25 of Feeling Alive

‘STOP DOING THAT!’ I thought to myself. It was another one of those mornings. I looked at myself in the mirror and…

A sad look took hold of my face. ‘STOP IT! NOW!’ I said out loud. That was it. My throat muscles stiffened up. I thought I had to throw up. I didn’t. I gagged. Just like every morning.

It was one of those mornings again. Life was hard.

It’s Not a Journey

‘How could life be so cruel to me?’ I remember thinking to myself. Almost a year had passed, but nothing had changed. Still, each day life was hard. Still each day I experienced mornings like that.

Cruel to myself. Desperately trying to change the tide, but nothing worked. It felt like life just wasn’t gonna change. As if the basis of life was cruel and hard.

It took me years to figure out what was wrong. Years of reading, listening, exploring, and discovering hidden parts of myself. It was a hard journey, one that wouldn’t have been necessary if I had known this earlier.

I thought that getting out of that place of sorrow and hardship would take time. That is was a journey. And it’s how many people think about life. That to heal some part of us we need time. But time is nothing but a concept we created. Something to support us. Yet it is never linked to your healing. Isn’t the very thought that you need time to heal or change only making you hold on to the hardships of your life longer?

I Believed Life Was Hard

Isn’t the very thought that you need time to heal or change only making you hold on to the hardships of your life longer?

I truly believed that life was hard. That this daily stress, anxiety, and agony was never gonna pass. That I just had to deal with the hard and cruel parts of life. Only now do I realize that I was wrong.

Life isn’t hard at all. I have struggled. I have known my sorrows and pains. I still do. But life isn’t hard because of them. I learned to observe all the thoughts I had, including the ones that told me life was hard. And here is what I figured out.

That life isn’t hard at all. That all of it is just a thought. Something we believe in. I thought my life was hard for taking away my uncle, and grandma. I thought my life was hard because I didn’t know how to cope with the anxiety that was born from that.

But life. Life was never hard. It just wanted to show me a lesson. A lesson that I wasn’t willing to take. That lesson is for most people a hard one because the lesson is so simple that most people say it can’t be true. What’s the lesson?

Life is Just What it Should Be

That to be alive is all we have to do.

I wished I understood this earlier in my life. We’ve overcomplicated our lives so much. With thinking that we have to have some sort of purpose.

  • That we have to figure out what makes us happy.
  • That we have to have a job that fulfills us.
  • That we need to figure out why we aren’t always happy.
  • That we need to have control over our lives.

And so many more things we think. All of this makes life so complicated. It puts so many rules, so many thresholds on the way we live life. When in truth living, being alive, is just enough.

Life isn’t hard at all. It’s just that we think our lives should be lived a specific way. That we think that we need to feel a particular way. But if we would be honest with ourselves everything we feel would be a reminder that we are still alive. Therefore it would be a beautiful thing to witness.

Life isn’t hard at all. It’s just that we think our lives should be lived a specific way. That we think that we need to feel a particular way. But if we would be honest with ourselves everything we feel would be a reminder that we are still alive.

If You Object

Many of you will object as I objected. Saying that in life we shouldn’t feel stressed, anxious, angry, depressed. I thought so too.

Yet this again is a thought, a belief. It is that belief that pushes our lives into a box. A box with a label on it that says ‘this is how life should be.’ everything that’s not in that box is bad. It is that picking and choosing of what’s right or wrong that makes our lives a misery.

It is that picking and choosing of what’s right or wrong that makes our lives a misery.

It is this thought that only makes you hold on longer to the things you don’t want to experience. You see I have been spending a large part of the past 10 years with stress and anxiety within my body. I got up feeling stressed and went to bed feeling stressed.

I didn’t want to feel that stress, yet it was this desire to not feel it that only made it last longer. Now I just live. I see that when I am stressed it’s just that. I am stressed. What do I have to fear from it? I know it’s not gonna last, I know I can’t push it away. I know that life isn’t just stress. It is all of it.

Life is beauty, an ongoing stream of emotions, experiences, actions. One day we feel bad, the other we feel good. But both make us feel alive. I think that’s the most important thing. That today, in this very moment you and me, we are alive.

Why do we have to make life so complicated, so hard for ourselves? When we could just go on living. Living life as it is. Wouldn’t that mean that everything we experience would be this beautiful experience that always serves as a reminder that we are alive? That it is a blessing to even get to experience this very moment?

What if we could cease the belief that life is hard? If we could stop making our lives so hard by thinking that life should be lived in any particular way? I think that we can, by simply seeing and recognizing this truth. That today you live. And that is just enough.

I think that we can make our lives simpler, by simply seeing and recognizing this truth. That today you live. And that is just enough.

So go on living your life as it is. I know this isn’t what you were hoping for. I know you want the hard times to end. I wanted that too. But life can’t be controlled. It can only be lived. After all, when we describe one of our best days in life don’t we say: ‘I felt so alive?’?

You see that it’s all about feeling. About feeling alive. The only way to do that is to feel whatever it is that life is right now. Such a simple way to live. To always remember that today you live. And so you can make the most of it.

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