For some time now I’ve been dealing with major anxiety. I felt a constant push and pull within me. On the one hand, I wanted to do more, on the other I knew that I needed to relax. I ain’t sure about anything and don’t feel comfortable in my skin in the slightest of ways. I continue on my path and pushed it away. Still knowing that the feeling remained steadfast within me. I felt it linger underneath the surface all the time. Coming out at the most random times and with the least amount of triggers.
As I write this it’s coming up again. It’s this sensation in the chest, that feels like it’s about to explode. It’s there because I feel like I have no qualification to speak to you about anything. Therefore, I know deep inside I do have, for I am experiencing what I am about to say to you right now. At this very moment. Writing is my meditation. It’s questioning myself every time I open my computer screen.
Is this the truth?
That’s the question I ask myself. “Is this the truth?” It’s a lesson I just learned. That I believe is essential to your progress throughout your healing process. I might even go as far as to say that this simple question is the thing that will lead you to a better, happier, more loving, and peaceful life. Why?
I’ve always taken whatever came up within me to be the truth. I believed most of the thoughts, emotions, and conversations that went on within my head. I never thought about questioning myself. I did of course, but only because the question was raised by someone else or in some book I read. Only today I discovered that these questions I often stumbled upon are the root of our growth.
Is it the truth?
We should never stop asking ourselves. Even that we should question. Why? Because we are often taking thoughts and emotions without any real thought about it. If some guru on the internet tells you to turn around three times and then write down your deepest desire and it will manifest itself, we will question if it works. Yet if another guru tells you to buy his book because it gives you 10 profound techniques to manifest your deepest desires we take it for granted. We don’t question ourselves and our purpose for doing it. After all, the man or woman wrote an entire book about it, so he or she must be right.
We believe him, or her and therefore ourselves. We don’t question our judgment. Questioning others is easier than question ourselves. Because questioning someone else gives us a good feeling, it’s a way of feeling superior. Yet, this is not where our answer lies. This answer lies with questioning ourselves. This is uncomfortable because we have to face the same answer over and over again. “We don’t know if it’s true” That’s the answer that will always come up. This morning I felt the anxiety come up again. This anxiety is always related to doing things quicker, and finishing as much as possible. Thus I started to ask myself.
Why do I feel this anxiety? The answer was: I feel like I have to finish this today, otherwise, I will never be able to ‘make it.’ Now I could question myself about, what ‘making it’ means, but I didn’t. I asked myself if these thoughts that caused a feeling of anxiety within me were true. “Is this true, will I only be successful if I finish all of this today?” I asked myself. To which my mind and body answered. “No, it isn’t.” And I felt that places in my body, which before were tensed up, now released. They relaxed and let go. I vividly saw before me the lie I was telling myself. That ‘making it’ would only be achieved if I felt anxious and rushed. Trying to squeeze as much of my work into one day.
I then, after question myself, realized that this was all a lie. I don’t know when I will make it, nor do I know with what piece of my work I will make it. Which means that there is no reason for me to stress out about it. We often create views over the world that affirm our feelings and thoughts, but these views are never the only ones there are. When I questioned myself there was no ground underneath my anxiety for it to stand on. It falls and tumbles into the darkness of forgetfulness. I then turn back to my screen and start writing again. Knowing that the anxiety that I feel is based on a lie. I thought it was the truth, that the feeling I was feeling was completely based on facts. After all, it had to come from someplace right?
We often create views over the world that affirm our feelings and thoughts, but these views are never the only ones there are.
Nothing was more false than this. Our feelings, thoughts, and choices aren’t always the right thing. Our feelings change all the time and are often based on past traumas or deeply settled desires. Our thoughts are wild and free as well, we can never control them, and if we believe them they will lead us to the easiest road possible. Because our brains don’t want to face hardship, it’s too uncomfortable for them. All the choices we make without realizing this are therefore to be questioned as well.
Never stop questing oneself
We should never stop questioning ourselves. I know it would be so much easier to not question ourselves and just follow the way we feel and think. But these feelings and thoughts are not who we truly are. We are the questioner and the questioner never has any feelings, or judgments over anything. It is the one that knows nothing is true, nor false. All it knows is to observe whatever happens and to ask questions.
I have found that the moment I questioned myself all the problems I experienced in my day-to-day life disappeared. If I felt anxious I questioned myself. Where did it come from and is its cause truly happening right now? Do I truly need to feel anxious? Or when you fear something, ask yourself why you fear it? And if that fear is the truth. Will, for example, your fear of spiders kill you. Will a spider come crawling from underneath your bed at night to kill you? The chances are extremely low, and by questioning yourself your brain automatically responds with different perspectives and scenarios.
That’s the reason why we should question ourselves. To see things from a different perspective and to see that the things we often hold to be true are nothing but excuses and illusions. When a problem or blockage arises in your life, question it. Think about it before taking it for the truth. You’ll see that everything has two sides. Therefore we always have a choice. It’s never as absolute as we might make it out to be.
Life has two sides, and to fully feel alive. To experience it with a smile on your face, you’ll need to know both sides. It gives you the freedom, at all times, to choose which of these sides you want to live by. So in advance question me, and the stories I tell. Not because I am trying to sell you something that isn’t true, but because what is right for me can not always be right for you. And we can only feel alive when we follow our path. Only then will we be able to say, Today I Lived.
Question yourself whenever a problem arises. Whenever you feel stuck, restricted, blocked, discouraged, demotivated, moody, angry, or any other negative emotion that comes up within you. Ask yourself, is this the absolute truth? Or is there another way to look at it? Your brain will answer it, often immediately because it loves to solve problems and a question is an unsolved problem, but sometimes it takes some time. Just ask yourself another time.
You’ll see that most of our problems are just views and stories we created ourselves, that have nothing to stand on the moment we question them. Therefore the feeling or thought will peacefully reside in your mind not harming the current experience of your life.