What are we doing to our lives?
We are at a major turning point in our lives. Since you are reading this it means you are concerned or interested in how you are spending your days being alive. We are so caught up in what we think life is. We are caught up in the idea of success, of being happy.
Maybe we aren’t even alive, we might just be living mostly within our heads. In our minds. Away from the beauty of reality, and the gorgeous spectacle of life.
- We desire to own the newest products
- We want to be successful
- We need to be happy
- We have a very large ambitious view for our lives
I feel that we are wasting life, by our desire, and attempt to control our lives in every part of it. I am not just talking about your work life or your love life. We are trying to control every aspect of life. The money we own, the people we spend time with, every minute of our waking life we try to fill with things to do.
This is how we are trying to control life. But I wonder why we want to control our life so badly? Isn’t life as it is good enough? Isn’t it marvelous to be alive? There must be a reason why we are ambitious, greedy, achievement-oriented, needy, attached.
I hope to go through this together, in no way am I trying to portray myself as better, or worse than you. We are equals, on the same spectrum of life. I hope to go through this together uncovering why we want to control our lives.
Facing The Emptiness
We have a great desire to control our lives. We see this in our everyday life. We cram our calendars full of tasks, and meetings. We have created habits that efficiently and effectively make us more successful and happy. We use to-do lists, we manifest our biggest dreams and desires, and so on.
It is all a great desire to control our lives because it’s so hard to face the fact that none of it is important. We’re afraid of what will happen if we let go of all of this. If we let go of our control on life.
- We think we will lose our success,
- Our friends, and family
- Our happiness, or health
- Our money and possessions
This fear lies at the root of our control of life. It’s our deepest fear, that we all have. To face the emptiness of life. That at the end we all die. That none of it was of grave meaning. After all, we don’t take anything with us into the afterlife. We leave behind our bodies, our friends, family, possessions, money, and all the rest of it.
Our of the emptiness of life, lies at the root of our control of life. It’s our deepest fear, that we all have.
Facing that emptiness creates great fear. It did to me. I am still afraid of it. That fear is okay. It’s okay to fear that emptiness inside us. But please don’t try to cover it up by trying to control life. It will not magically get rid of that empty feeling.
Our control of life might even make that emptiness worse because we have never touched upon the essential beauty of life. How come we have never touched on that?
Can we control life? And what happens if we do?
We haven’t touched on that because we are trying to control life. You see, we try to control many aspects of our life. Our health, money, possessions, career, and so on. All this control tries to fit, what we call life, into a small box. Everything inside that box is safe, and we feel comfortable with that. Stuffing everything in that single box makes it cramped, and for a new thing to come in something must first go, or we must decrease it in size. Meaning we either need to stop controlling something in our lives or decrease our control.
Our control on life, trying to cram everything into that square box, makes life both dull and restricted.
After all, we only have a limited amount of focus and energy. Everything inside that box gets pushed into each other. It starts to clash and create friction. That friction rubs off the beauty of all the things inside the box. Just like the more you wash your clothes the less colorful they become.
Our control on life, trying to cram everything into that square box, makes life both dull and restricted. This isn’t what we want right? It won’t make us happier, feel more successful, or peaceful. It’s quite a waste of our lives, to be honest. So what are we doing with our lives trying to control everything?
We are making it less beautiful, restricted in form, condemned, and in that process, we are also creating friction and tension. We might be able to control life, at least parts of it, but that control will only make life more unpleasant to experience.
I think it’s insanity to try to control our lives. Why do I say that? Because I’ve done it too, and still do it in some parts of my life. When I now realize any form of desperate control I see how insane it is. That control is fading away, and I release more of the energy that was attached to the control of my life.
I hope you are truly thinking about this. About the insanity of trying to control our lives. To me, it always felt like two hands, that tightly held onto a rope. The hands are our control, the rope is life. On the end of that rope is a rock, pulling it down into the darkness of a lake. The rock is everything we try to control, the dark lake is the emptiness we don’t want to face.
I hope you are truly thinking about this. About the insanity of trying to control our lives.
We try to pull the rope out of the water because that rope is all we cherish in life. We don’t want it to sink into the deep dark lake, that’s scary. But our control on that rope makes us wear out, in the end, our hands will be exhausted and the rope will slip. The rock will pull it down deeper into the lake.
What we don’t know is that this lake isn’t that deep. We can easily swim down, untie the rope, and swim up with it. That way we can enjoy all it is. Only we don’t want to face the dark blue lake and dive into it. We don’t want to lose control. Nor face our fears. Leaving us with numbness in our hands, pain even, and no enjoyment.
What a waste of a perfectly beautiful life. And for what? Why are we trying to hold on so badly? Why are we trying to control everything so desperately? Why don’t we just face those fears and the deep blue lake? In the end, we can’t die from it. We can always swim up again.
We don’t face our fears, because we believe that our control is a good thing.
Just like we can always get out of depression, or anxiety attacks. Which are two things that happen if we are consumed by the dark lake and resist it.
We don’t face our fears, because we believe that our control is a good thing. That by letting go of the rope it will forever be gone. This belief, that’s what is holding us in place. Wasting our lives away. Without ever touching the incredible beauty of being alive.
That fear, that the rope will forever be lost, is the fear of never being able to be happy again or enjoy life. And thus we tell ourselves that ambition and desire is a good thing. And that our control on life is natural.
An Ambition and Success-free Life
That’s something I thought about too. Isn’t an ambition to better the world a great thing? Or to be successful? Isn’t it a good thing to go after your dreams? And do everything in your power to live a happy life?
It is, it is a great thing to follow your dreams. They come from the heart. But striving to be successful, or ambitious is destructive. You see dreams come from the heart, a vast open space that’s leading you in life. It is a place from which life can communicate with you. Whereas success and ambition come from your need to prove something to yourself or others.
You see the difference here? One comes from the heart and comes from silence and emptiness. Your dream wasn’t forced into being. You just knew it somehow, or you found it out through trying and experimenting with different things. Whereas success and ambition are painful, they often require a lot of hard work and come from thoughts and desires.
It’s a great thing to have a dream to make the world a better place, but don’t make it your ambition, or goal in life.
It’s a great thing to have a dream to make the world a better place, but don’t make it your ambition, or goal in life. Don’t try to control the outcome of you bettering the world. That control will only make things less enjoyable and destructive in its process.
Let go and you’ll enjoy doing what you are doing and you continue to work on your dream of bettering the world. After all, you enjoy doing it. There’s just no pressure, no control when or how you’ll reach it.
This way we first make our inner world a better place. A place of vast emptiness, space, and silence. With no need to prove, control, or change anything. What if you don’t know how to make your inner world a better place?
When True Transformation Will Take Place
To create a peaceful and enjoyable inner world we can only do but one thing. Let life be what it wants to be. Let it alone. Leave it. If we want to be at peace with life and enjoy life, we shouldn’t do anything to become that. Because if we do that, it means we aren’t at peace with life anymore. We instead changed life so that we became peaceful with it.
Life won’t let itself be tamed. It will want to flow freely again, and things will happen that make you lose control of life.
That’s the wrong way around. This way you force and control what life is so that you can enjoy it and be at peace. But that won’t last. Life won’t let itself be tamed. It will want to flow freely again, and things will happen that make you lose control of life.
At that point, you’ll be back where you started. Not at peace with life. Not enjoying it. Yes, you’ve had a great time in the process for a few years, but now comes a time in which all of that is gone. And that’s a waste if you can be at peace with everything in life.
You see we can only truly make a great change in our lives if we are empty, because if we are empty and at peace with the way life is, that empty vast space within us will let in that which we can not grasp with words. Something we have named God, or the Universe.
That unnamable thing will truly improve the world, but not because it needs improvement, but because it wants to take care of the beauty that life already has. That is pure and utter love.
Trying to improve, get, or own isn’t love, for these things to exist some other part must be violently broken down. Either something within us or something within the world will suffer for that desire for improvement and growth. Let me give you an example of that.
If you want to have a million dollars. That’s something you want to own and get. For that to happen you don’t care what work you do. That work can destroy the nature on this planet for your greed to get a million dollars. Or you will sacrifice your health to work long hours and make that amount of dollars. Or you will make use of people to get there.
Yet if you do what you love and dream of, the money you will earn will be exactly enough. Nothing will be destroyed in that process.
Yet if you do what you love and dream of, the money you will earn will be exactly enough. Nothing will be destroyed in that process. Everything will just be balanced, and the way it should be.
Only emptiness, peace with life will create a vast space in which love can exist, and true transformation can take place.
Let Life Alone
We all want to be loving, kind, and enjoy life. Only all those things you will not find in anything you pursue or try to control. All these things are detached from life. Yes, they come about when we do things we like, but we can like everything. We can enjoy anything we want.
The fragmentation and division between enjoyment and discomfort create your need to control.
Only our beliefs make things either enjoyable or unpleasant. That fragmentation and division between enjoyment and discomfort create your need to control. After all, you mostly want to experience enjoyment in your life. In some way, you can control it, and feel joy for some time. Yet you won’t maintain that control, and it will wear you down. Only making your life more unpleasant.
So what are you doing with your life? Are you desperately trying to control it? With the hope to one day enjoy it and live your dream life? Or are you letting it be? Leaving it alone, and come to peace with it. And through that peace within a deep and tremendous sense of beauty and enjoyment comes to you.
It comes to you through the vast space you’ve created by being at peace with life. Letting it be what it is. Not doing anything to control it. Instead to experience it as it is.
A deep sensation of liveliness and enjoyment will come to you.
Let life be. A deep sensation of liveliness and enjoyment will come to you. A whisper in your ears that comes to you and shows you joy in life. A silence within your heart that comes to you and shows you peace and clarity. A deep sense of being alive. That will show you, that today you live! Make the most of every experience you get.
If you want to observe your control on life, and create space within yourself so that life can flow freely again. So that you can feel more alive. Then I want to invite you to listen to the Just Now Podcast. The Just Now podcast is a place for you to just be for a moment. To feel, experience and understand what it means to be alive. The episodes all give extra clarity on topics discussed in the articles I write through short mindful guided meditations and reflective questions. Serving as a daily checkin to yourself.
I hope to speak to you there, for now remember today you live! Make the most of it.