I see the spoon disappear in the black liquid of my morning coffee. It’s consumed by the liquid and all I can see now are the few CBD oil drops floating on top of the service. I realize that this cup of coffee is exactly how I feel sometimes. We are the spoon, and our inner mental state or the world around us is the blackness of the coffee. We slowly dip in and get consumed by it. We are in total darkness and don’t know what’s going on. We can’t see what’s underneath the surface. All we can see is the top layer. The oil drops floating around, and the steam rising. Underneath all of that, there is the great unknown. A place where we don’t know what is to come, what is to happen, what is to see.
Somedays we just don’t know. We don’t know what’s going on. We feel like that cup of coffee, we lose ourselves and ponder over the future. We think of our mental state of being, and the emotions we are feeling. We might feel stressed, or anxious. Maybe sad, and we are grieving. Maybe we are worried or doubt ourselves. We would love to know how we could end this state, how we could make the discomfort of these emotions stop. We would love to find what’s in the darkness of that cup of coffee. The emotions and thoughts we observe are the oil drops on the surface of the coffee. We can see them, by stirring the coffee with a spoon we might be able to break the oil drops but they will never combine with the dark black liquid. We can never seem to combine the darkness with the oil. Just like we want to know how to deal with and get over the discomfort we are feeling, but we stare straight into the darkness of not knowing how or what to do.
Part One: Finding Comfort With The “Don’t Know”
Those days are rough. The days in which you don’t know what to do. The days in which you don’t know how to get out, or feel better about yourself. The days where we feel lost, and see nothing but the darkness. That darkness represents the uncertainty of life. It’s the place that we can’t control, the outcomes we will never know, the continuation of our road in life to which we don’t know what we will encounter. It frightens us because we want to know how to get out of this situation we are in right now. We always want to have answers, solutions, ways to get out. Yet some days there ain’t any. There is no answer, no solution to what you are feeling. Some days are just meant to be this way. Days where we don’t know what’s going on or what to do. Finding comfort in that is a challenge. It might be the hardest thing because it requires us to be in total surrender with life.
That’s scary because we allow in the darkness. If we surrender we allow in that discomfort, the pain, the uncertainty, and we don’t know when we will get out. We don’t know the solution and it doesn’t matter how hard we try to find it the solution will only be going away from you. The only solution there is to days like these is to find comfort in them. To appreciate them as much as you do with any other day. To appreciate the days of sadness and days of uncertainty. The days in which you are scared, or lonely, or depressed, frightened, or anxious. We want to live happy lives and I get that, but we can’t force away what we feel just to be happy. To be happy we, strangely enough, don’t need to be happy all the time. To be happy we don’t go after happiness, we go after peace. We go after comfort in every moment of the day.
Part Two: The Paradox of Happiness
That’s the paradox of happiness. It’s not about being happy all the time, but about being peaceful with ourselves all the time. I am just as far on this as you are because today I am in a place of discomfort. Of anxiety about the future. I don’t know what’s next and that total surrender frightens me. At first, I too wanted to be happy, I too wanted to find the solution to this fear and anxiety, but I couldn’t find it. So I decided that I didn’t want to write today, but something in me still grabbed my laptop can I sat down to write. It was then that I felt at peace. I found comfort in the way I felt because I allowed myself to feel it with nothing else to do. I found peace in that discomfort and this moment of anxiety. How?
By feeling the discomfort, yet deciding to continue with my day. I continue with everything I want to do, in a state of peace with the anxiety. I allow it to be there, as part of me and my day, it might leave during the day and I’ll allow it to, but if it stays the rest of the day that’s fine. It doesn’t need to go. It’s this way that we can find comfort in not knowing what to do, or what’s going on. It’s by allowing us to feel what’s going on without the need to find a solution to it. Allowing everything to ebb and flow like the water on the beach. It comes and it goes. It pushes and pulls the sand, which creates a bit of disturbance, but that ebb and flow are comforting to watch as well. It’s peaceful to feel the water softly touching the skin on your feet. And the sound of the water smacking on the shore, followed by the hushing sound of it pulling away again.
We can find that same comfort when we recognize that our inner state is just like the ebb and flow of the ocean. Soothing, disturbing, but always flowing. Trusting that everything will go as it should go, and we don’t need to change a thing about it.
Part Three: Appreciating The Day
These days of uncertainty and discomfort. The days in which you just don’t know can be appreciated as well. Wouldn’t that just be amazing? I know how often these days can happen. They might even happen daily for weeks or months on end. It’s just fine. We do not have to change them or feel a different way about them. We can appreciate them because they are part of life as well. By opening our hearts to this pain we become kind, grateful, and peaceful with whatever is going on.
We can enjoy that sip of coffee, knowing that the oil drops will never combine with the blackness of the liquid. We can enjoy our mental state, knowing that some emotions will just not be solved in an instant, and we can find comfort in that. We can appreciate the days of sadness, grief, anxiety, stress, fear, pressure, and anger by recognizing one simple thing. We are alive. We don’t need to change anything about our day to recognize that. We don’t need to be happy in order to be alive. We don’t need to be excited, or joyous to enjoy life. We need to be. That’s all we need. We can be with whatever we feel. We can recognize that our sad days are a part of us, that they are a piece of the puzzle of life. An experience to be lived through, a sight to be witnessed and enjoyed.
By seeing that we are alive we can see the blessing of it. You might disagree with me because we often feel that we can’t feel alive when we are in states of suffering and discomfort. Yet we can. If only we recognize that it is only our interpretation, our perspective on what’s going on. We don’t need to change that perspective, we only need to recognize it, and then see that if we can perceive something it means we are alive. That is the biggest blessing we can receive. I can recognize that I am anxious. I need not change it, all I need is to see is that I am alive. That anxiety is part of the whole that is me. Anxiety is a part of my life that makes me say at the end of my day, Today I Lived! I made the most of it.
Thanks for reading, I hope this was helpful to you. I hope you will go through your day with more peace and comfort. If you want more content like this follow me on Instagram @today.i.lived or subscribe to the weekly newsletter called Rise With The Sun where each week I share three thoughts about life that we can appreciate. Join at www.todayilived.com/rise/ Remember that today you live! Make the most of it.